The Denver Broncos preseason and season schedules:

2009 PRESEASON SCHEDULE

Fri.     Aug.14     at San Francisco    
Sat.     Aug.22     at Seattle    
Sun.     Aug.30     VS. CHICAGO    
Thu.     Sep. 3     VS. ARIZONA    

2009 REGULAR SEASON SCHEDULE

1     Sun     Sep.13     at Cincinnati    
2     Sun     Sep.20     VS. CLEVELAND    
3     Sun     Sep.27     at Oakland    
4     Sun     Oct. 4     VS. DALLAS    
5     Sun     Oct.11     VS. NEW ENGLAND    
6     Mon     Oct.19     at San Diego    
7             BYE WEEK            
8     Sun     Nov. 1     at Baltimore    
9     Mon     Nov. 9     VS. PITTSBURGH    
10     Sun     Nov.15     at Washington    
11     Sun     Nov.22     VS. SAN DIEGO    
12     Thu     Nov.26     VS. NEW YORK    
13     Sun     Dec. 6     at Kansas City    
14     Sun     Dec.13     at Indianapolis   
15     Sun     Dec.20     VS. OAKLAND    
16     Sun     Dec.27     at Philadelphia  
17     Sun     Jan. 3     VS. KANSAS CITY

The unpredictable is what I predict for the Broncos 2009 season. It’s going out on a limb, I know. But, clearly, committing to a commitment regarding the 2009 Denver season is dangerously close to actually having an opinion about what the Broncos might do in the upcoming year. And I’d rather just kind of ramble on.

Musings are much less substantial and not really accountable. So here goes nothing.

Mini-camp will have stretches of tedious repetition, theatrics and Shakespearean drama, and roiling waves of excitement and exhilaration. There will be on field arguments that’ll have the commentators predicting gloom and doom in Bronco Land and long hot days of nothingness inciting the pundits to platitudes of marrow sucking for a story, any story. Coaches, players, even ball boys, all,  will be ripe for the picking.

There will be moments of complete cohesion in camp, beatitudes as everything flows together and coalesces; a rainbow will alight upon the field, bunnies shall nibble upon the clover, and a glowing halo of butterflies will follow McDaniel off the field at the end of the day.
 
There will be days of boredom, routine, the constant.

I predict that when the preseason finally arrives it will suddenly look as if McDaniels is going to go with Simms.
Orton will have had a better camp. Fans will chorous: “What does this ‘supposed’ new Broncos coach think he is  doing, exactly?”
But in the end, it’ll be Orton after all. McDaniels is such a tease.
At some point in the preseason I’ll bet he’ll even have us thinking what’s his name, Brandstater might actually be starting the season…

Oh, and by the way, when Dawkins gets injured in the pre-season, the year will NOT be in jeopardy. Despite the newscasters and commentators going into a anxiety ridden tail-spin, the injury turns out to be minor, and the X-Factor will dominate through the year.
Going 1-3 in the preseason isn’t going to  help fan morale either. “This kind of record shows just how far this once hallowed team has fallen.” they will lament, “That dastardly McDaniels and his Satan worshipping ways has ruined us.”

Losing to Cutler at Invesco in the pre-season will be like a dagger in the heart. Fans will boo McDaniels. They’ll boo Cutler. Some will just be cheering for Bruce Springsteen. Many will give up hope, without the Broncos having played a single regular season game.

Right out of the gate, the Broncos will win in Cincinnati. Ocho Cinco does the Riverdance not once, but twice in the end zone. But it’s not enough as Orton hits a wide open Royal on a deep score and Moreno rushes for 100 yards and a TD. The defensive line holds and the secondary scores on an interception. Grown men skip about their living rooms in tighty-whiteys stained with buffalo wings and other unspeakable things. The Broncos are going to the SUPER BOWL!!!

And low and behold, the mighty boys in Orange will beat the teams they’re supposed to in weeks two and three, and will find themselves suddenly 3-0 and on top of the AFC West. McDaniels will be treated as the savior, Orton a deity, and the Denver Broncos are doing the unspeakable, they are going to the SUPER BOWL!!!

Except they’ll drop two of the next three games.

Dallas will come in and bend the Orange over and spank them hard. Perhaps, it will be discovered, it’s best not to go into games over-confident and cheer leader giddy. The Broncos forget their place for a moment and actually begin to believe they might be a playoff caliber team. Tisk, tisk, what a rookie mistake this proves to be. Romo rips them a new one. Orton is almost yanked in favor of Simms. At home, in front of everyone, we set off a stink bomb.

The very next week, however, we surprise everyone, and McDaniels wins the Grasshopper / Sensei battle. This despite Belichick being in our McDaniels “playbuk and steelin hiz signulz.”

Then, not yet ready to shake the monkey off their backs, and not as motivated as the previous week, we drop a close one to San Diego. What’s his face, QB from San Diego, taunts the Broncos’ starting quarterback Brandstater (yes, he gets a start due to injuried to both Simms and Orton) from the sidelines as the clock ticks down.

At the bye week we’re 4-2.

Then Baltimore kicks our tails, as does Pittsburgh.
Seriously? How can anyone not love the Ravens and the Steelers?
I hate Baltimore and can’t stand Pittsburgh and yet I still love them.
Baltimore has had the highest crime rate of any city for the past fifteen years, and yet I would take my wife and daughters there, through the ghetto, unarmed, at three A.M., with $100 bills hanging out of my pocket to see a game, just because I love the Baltimore Ravens that much.
And Pittsburgh? What’s not to like about dirty snow and well, dirty snow. Come on now. Deal with reality folks.
 
4-4.

But wait. Kyle Orton is put back in after his infected beard rash heals up, and we whoop up on Washington in the next week, finally beat San Diego the week after that, and give rookie Mark Sanchez an NFL beat down. In fact, Sanchez gets benched after the Denver drubbing. It’s ok though, because he’s still got his modeling gig.
7-4.

KC catches us off guard, McDaniels hugs and nuzzles and spoons Cassel midfield after the game, and then the next week Indy isn’t the same since losing Dungy, along with everyone else, and we pull off a win somehow.
8-5.

We clobber Oakland at home, Philly and Michael Vick (my crystal ball stopped streaming for a minute, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I saw) smack us around, and this time we’re ready for KC and we manage to pull off a close one. The intervention team is on the field post-game to avoid another embarrassing display of affection (that boarded on adult entertainment) between McDaniels and Cassel.

Final record: 10-6

After losing the wild card game, McDaniels, who has let his neck hair grow to sternum length, promises a better season next year.
The fans, also growing neck beards in honor of Orton, rally behind McDaniels, and gather to drink the punch.

We are the Denver Broncos.
Our colors are Orange and Blue.
We are unpredictable. Just as Orange and Blue are unpredictable colors.

I mean, come on…

How the heck does Orange and Blue look so damned cool?

10-6?

Believe it.

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